There comes a time in every young girl’s life when a mother and daughter have a special moment. That special moment is the day she announces her engagement. Haha, well we are gay men so not all of the classic rules apply. So, what are the rules of engagements? Knowing whether or not you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, well that would be a good start. And I’m not talking about the kind of spending the rest of your life that will occur with friends. I am talking about the rest of your life, like the Christian Version: One person for the rest of your life. That is a big bite to chew, and if you aren’t satisfied with your current sex life... well... Who knows how that will unfold, well we all do. But, on a happier note, since an engagement should be the happiest moment of your dating life, let’s talk engagements.
When should you get engaged?
Getting engaged is kind of a big deal, so the timing does matter. If you are thinking about getting engaged, or thinking about marrying your man, then the answer is simple: now. Well, sort of. The rules for engagement are guided by three major trains of thought. The first is the traditional way of thinking: This is the date for a few years, get engaged, and marry over the following year/ year and a half. This is a great thing, except there is a lot of stress in planning weddings and now you have shoved it into 10 months or less. The next way of thinking comes from the idea that you have found the perfect man, but you want a longer engagement so you can fulfill your career dreams before you have to “settle down.” Blame this on feminism, or progress, but that way of thinking well, that is the way. Finally, there is the hopeless romantic time schedule, and that goes along the lines of, you have met the perfect man, and you are so in love, so you get married 3 months after meeting him. Yup, that sounds about right. None of these are right or wrong, but going off of the “social norm” it seems that these three trains of thought effect the timing of your engagement.
The Proposal. This is going to matter, because this is going to be the story you tell everyone, and your future hypothetical kids. It is the story that is going to define what kind of relationship you have. Because, when your friends ask you how it happened, where it happened etc, it is going to show the intimacy you and your partner share. (I know, sounds serious) If your or him propose in the bedroom after hot steamy sex, followed by even hotter love making after, you are physical couple. If he gets down on one knee at dinner or somewhere special, you are the traditional couple. If he does something cool, like hide the ring, or plan something lavish, he/you are the creative couple. Finally, there is my favorite: the real couple. The conversation that happens when to grown men are sitting, talking over coffee or breakfast and decide to get married. I think that the element of surprise is great, but also puts a lot of pressure on the other. What if someone wasn’t ready to get married? You can’t say no at a restaurant in front of tons of people, especially if only one of you drove. #justsayin.
The Ring Matters. If you don’t know a lot about jewelry, well the cut, the clarity, the metal, everything matters. Now, according to classic heterosexual handbooks, an engagement ring should equal 3 months of salary. That is BS. No one needs to spend that much money on a ring... Unless it is from Cartier... But seriously, who wants to Tiffany’s engagement ring? Just kidding. The price of the ring doesn’t matter, but here are some tips when looking for rings:
-Bigger isn’t always better.
-Cost isn’t everything.
-It might be better to get something smaller to save for the wedding/home/honeymoon etc.
Recently, a friend got engaged, and his partner bought him a black diamond. It was pretty, kind of gotti, but most of all, it really was him. Knowing what your partner wants always helps. A girlfriend of mine didn’t get a diamond at her proposal, but a 2k ruby instead on Valentine’s day. And sometimes, it is perfect to just get a simple band, like the French.
Announcing your engagement. If you are announcing your engagement via the instagram or facebook... You will most likely have one of those tacky weddings where you invite your friends and guests via facebook. Here are some reasons why you don’t announce your engagement via social media:
Plus, when you announce your engagement you should have an amazing photoshoot that celebrates the two of you, showing your story, and most of all looking happy together on film. Pay for a really good photographer because these photos should be EVERYTHING.
The Engagement Party. Your engagement party is probably more important than the proposal. Your engagement party is the announcement and celebration of you two as a couple. It is going to read: What kind of couple are we? I know it seems petty, and kind of pretentious but as your friends and family intermix, tensions will no matter what run high. For some, the engagement party is used as a chance to ask your closest friends and family to be a part of your wedding. Others use the engagement party as the announcement of being a couple, and starting the planning of their wedding. And for some, in the traditional sense, the engagement party is where your family’s will really meet for the first time. Not just immediate family, but like the whole family. There is nothing more awkward than two families coming together, not knowing each other before the wedding.
The Loop Hole. Engagements are the test of a couple, because while engaged there is a loop hole, or the scapegoat. As pressure builds towards the wedding, moving in together/buying a house, and so forth, it might just become too much. So, if things aren’t working out between you two, or problems bigger than you can overcome come up there are three classic scapegoats:
There was too much pressure, and it broke us.
I love you, but I love my career/me more.
I thought I was the marrying type, but it turns out, I’m not. (I think this one is used for the wondering eyes)
Calling of an engagement is easier than getting a divorce. So, before you tie the knot make sure that you are 100% sure that this is it. This is the man you are going to be with for the rest of your life.