“It didn’t mean anything, and it was one time.”
Whether we believe it or not, it is an excuse that we have heard time and time again. Or a better one: I was drunk. It seems that those who cheat are have an excuse for everything. What’s done is done, right? It’s over, or is it? Is there more to cheating?
One Sunday, like most gays, I found myself at brunch. I was seated with a group of great friends, laughing about the drinking night prior, when this blog was brought up. It was time to address every facet of dating, and that included the thing we dreaded most: Cheating. Call it cheating, adultery, or whatever, is it wrong just because the Bible said so? After a much heated, full of sassy remarks, and some heart breaking stories, cheating stuck with me.
Before this blog, my entire opinion of cheating was simple: Cheaters are horrible people and should be castrated. Because of this blog I try to be objective and see the bigger picture, and when I started looking at cheating from the bigger picture, I realized, cheating is only black and white, but what comes after isn’t.
Personally, I think the act cheating is wrong for numerous reasons and it isn’t because of the institution of marriage, or the principals of dating. It can be dangerous, especially if you aren’t practicing safe sex. In a healthy, stable, committed relationship, and after you are both tested, you might choose to not use condoms. Then in turn, if your partner is cheating on you, and not using condoms, you are putting yourself at risk for STDs. I also believe, that cheating on someone can emotionally ruin a person. The person who cheated, the guilt can eat them alive, and drive them to aggressive behaviors like lying, accusations, and emotional tension. Additionally, if someone finds out that their partner has cheated on them, it can send them into an unhealthy emotional, downward spiral.
But, now objectively, the aftermath has to be looked at. Can you forgive someone if they cheated? A lot of guys will say no, in fact everyone at brunch said no. But after careful examination, and conversation we decided to structure a few things:
We are willing to create structure and levels of dating, love and relationships but we won’t create a structure on cheating. For example, it is okay to be casually dating multiple guys, and having sex with them, but it is not okay to be casually dating one guy but sleeping with another.
We are willing to create structure and levels of dating, love and relationships but we won’t create a structure on cheating. For example, it is okay to be casually dating multiple guys, and having sex with them, but it is not okay to be having sex with one guy and dating multiple guys.
Being cheated on is wrong, but it is a turn on when you are the mistress. We play victim, whether it is true or not, when being cheated on, but if a married man asked you to hook up, you would jump on it, literally.
It is okay to joke about cheating with celebrities, but it is not okay to comment about an attractive guy in real life, when dating.
Hopeless romantics will not tolerate cheating at all.
Men who are willing to compromise and move across the country for someone, are more likely to compromise the relationship and go with an open relationship, but will not forgive cheating.
It is okay to be emotionally invested in a guy on-line or long distance and be sleeping around with guys in your area.
It is not okay to be dating and have a grindr, even if you are long distance. Despite Grindr being coined as a hook up app, how many of us actually hook up via grindr?
Emotional cheating and physical cheating are the same. Yet, emotionally connected in a relationship on-line or long distance is not the same as a physical relationship.
Cheating itself is only defined by being caught, and it is up to the individual whether or not they can live with the guilt, if any.
When not in relationship, or dating, it is okay to sleep with a bunch of different guys, but the minute it goes on Facebook, and you are official, it is not okay to even talk, message, or contact those guys you were casually sleeping with or dating.
If you have been cheated on, your views on cheating are probably blown out of proportion and could never forgive a new guy because of the past guy(s).
Most can’t forgive emotional cheating, but can forgive physical cheating.
You might rather have someone emotionally cheat rather than physical cheat, it is always safer that way, no risk at STDs via sexting right?
Do men who cheat get a thrill out of it, like fetish, or are they just horny, or do they just make dumb mistakes, or do they do it to hurt us?
Still confused? Good, we are too. We aren’t saying cheating is acceptable, religious points and personal experiences aside, is cheating really unforgivable? Miranda forgave Steve in Sex in the City, and I am sure the are plenty of people who have forgiven their partners for cheating... So, is cheating really that unforgivable? Or has personal experience and religious values tainted the way see view adultery?
Have you ever cheated before? Why did you do it? Please, comment below.